A Letter to 2020 Brides Affected By COVID-19
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Dear bride,
In a very short amount of time, the coronavirus went from something you heard about on the news sometimes, to the only thing any of us are thinking about. Businesses are closing, people are stressed about their jobs or are out of work, everyone is practicing social distancing (at least they should be!), and we are all constantly worried about the health of our loved ones. It’s a LOT to process. But on top of all of that, you’ve had to also think about your wedding day.
Just two weeks ago, you were probably really excited. Maybe your bridal shower was around the corner. Maybe you were planning fun activities for your bachelorette party. Or shopping for the perfect white dress for your rehearsal dinner – because when else can you wear a fancy white dress?! (You can see the one I recently purchased in this post ?) Maybe, you were really looking forward to your next wedding dress fitting. Or for some, you were mere days away from saying I do.
No matter what your timeline was/is, I understand how you feel.
We have all been looking forward to this day for longer than we can remember. It has been in our minds since we were little girls, growing infinitely more real as soon as we fell in love. And now it feels a little bit like we’re being robbed. This should be the happiest, most magical time in our lives, and instead, it is full of sadness, confusion, and fear. And on top of that, you’ve probably felt guilty for feeling this way because there are so many other things going on right now. But maintaining perspective is hard in moments when you feel heartbreak. It just is.
If you’ve thought “why NOW?”, you’re not alone, sister. This past week, I have connected with HUNDREDS of you who are going through this. And even still, I have felt at times like God or the universe, or whatever is bigger than us, simply doesn’t want me to experience this joy. It has felt, at times, like I’m being told, “weddings were for everyone else, just not for you.”
After all, all of us have watched countless siblings, cousins, friends, Aunts, Uncles, coworkers, and more get married. We’ve fit 8, 9, 10 weddings into one year – flying all over the country to do it. We have been dutiful bridesmaids and maids of honor. We’ve witnessed other brides freak out about things that simply did not matter. What we all would give to be stressed out by something small instead of something as massive as this.
Instead of typos or a needy family member, we are faced with decisions that feel impossibly hard.
What do you do when your wedding gets cancelled one or two weeks out?! (I can’t imagine!) What do you do when the CDC forced cancellations for 8 weeks, but you are 10, 12, 14 weeks out and your vendors are still telling you you’re fine? How do you know what to do when no one has any idea what the world is going to look like then? And how do you process all of this quickly enough to see what is happening with clear eyes?
Because the truth is, we all know that what is going on right now is bigger than canceled weddings. This is all harder than just: will I be allowed to or not? It’s not like this is plowing through like a hurricane, leaving destruction it’s path, never to be seen again. There is a looming cloud of fear and uncertainty over the whole world right now because we have no idea what will happen or how long this will stay.
And while it is tempting to hold tight to optimism and hope for a miracle, we also have an ethical weight on our hearts. What if people really don’t feel comfortable traveling or going to a big event at that time? And the one that really got my anxiety going… what if we still had our wedding because we *technically* could, and people we love got sick? I don’t know if we could bear that guilt. It is devastating to even consider.
So where does that leave us?
Well, friends, I can’t tell you that. We all have to make the decisions that are best for us. This is an unpredictable and unprecedented time in our history. So unfortunately, I don’t have any concrete advice for you. That’s not why I wrote this post.
I wrote it so you would know that you are not alone. That you are worthy of happiness. That other people who are trying to make you feel better might not actually make you feel better, and that’s okay. I wrote this so you would know that, despite everything else going on in the world, you are allowed to be sad about this. You are allowed to cry and be mad and take your time processing everything. This is a LOT. You’re not just planning a wedding or rescheduling a wedding or dealing with a cancelled wedding. You’re also dealing with a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Girl, take a deep breath. This is HARD.
Please know that I am sending so much love to each and every one of you. You will figure out the best way to handle this situation in time. If you’re not there yet, just squeeze your fiance’s hand tighter. Make every kiss count. Lean into him or her. Acknowledge the fact that this card we’ve been dealt isn’t fair, but also acknowledge how freaking lucky you are to have found someone you love enough that you want to spend your entire life with them. We still have so much to be grateful for.
You’ve got this.
xoxo,
Lauren
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Our Postponement
We have personally decided to postpone our May 24th wedding. Even though none of our vendors cancelled, we thought it was best to proactively move the date. It felt like a cancellation was inevitable – whether it was because the CDC extended their recommendation for no events over 50 people or not. We ultimately knew we’d feel uncomfortable asking our friends and family to travel during this uncertain time. And the longer we sat in denial, the less likely we’d be able to secure another 2020 date at our venue. So, we went for it!
This has been an emotional week, but even though it took us a second to come to this conclusion, we now know it was 1000% the right move. We just had to go through a quick mourning process! And now that we’re through it, we can exhale. So… we are postponing to the end of August!
*Update* We have postponed again! You can read more about our decision to reschedule for June 2021 in this post.
I’ve had a few people as me “what if everything isn’t resolved by then either?” And to that I don’t have an answer. For now, we’re taking it day by day. We’re doing our part by staying home and encouraging others to #flattenthecurve, and praying really hard for things to get better over these next few months. Not just for us, but for all of us. That’s really all we can do.
Are you postponing your wedding?
I’d love to hear your story in the comments! There is also a thread in my Lake Shore Lady Community Group on Facebook or feel free to DM me directly on Instagram, too ❤️ Also, I wrote all about the logistics of how to postpone your wedding, as well as an update about our 2nd postponement and comparative suffering and The Best Elopement Dresses! I hope these posts are helpful for you!
Also, here are a few pretty white dresses in case you’re planning on having a small ceremony instead/before your postponed one:
A Letter to 2020 Brides Affected By COVID-19
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PS. Have you check out my Bundle of Wedding Planning Resources? You’ll get a Wedding Planning Timeline, Wedding Registry Guide, Budget Template, Venue Comparison Sheet, and Exclusive Discounts!
You might also like Our Engagement Story, What To Put On Your Wedding Registry, The Best Bridal Shops in Chicago, The Best Chicago Wedding Venues, and The Best Elopement Dresses!
March 20, 2020 @ 8:48 am
Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear this today <3
Sending you a socially distant hug and wishing you all the luck with your new date!
March 20, 2020 @ 12:20 pm
Sending you a virtual hug back!!!
March 20, 2020 @ 9:30 am
Thank you for this Lauren! Much needed! June 6 bride and we have selected a backup date of August 7th. Same boat as you, people ask if things aren’t better by then what will we do! I’m 34, so we will not be pushing any further than that and will just have to roll with whatever comes! Hang in there!
March 20, 2020 @ 12:33 pm
You too, Annie! <3
March 20, 2020 @ 10:14 am
Lauren, this was so beautifully written and so heartfelt. I’m happy to hear you were able to postpone. ?
March 20, 2020 @ 12:34 pm
Thanks so much, Lindsey. And me too! ❤️
March 20, 2020 @ 10:45 am
We have postponed our April 4 wedding. We were not fortunate enough to get a date later this year. So we have To postpone until next April. I can’t fathom that I have to wait another whole year to get married but we really can’t do anything about it.
March 20, 2020 @ 12:34 pm
I’m so sorry, Danielle. Sending so much love to you.
March 20, 2020 @ 10:55 am
Thank you so much for this. We just postponed our April 25th wedding to July 18th. We feel very lucky that all of our vendors are free and that we can have the same wedding, just on a different day. My fiancé’s mom is battling cancer and we just so badly want her to be well on that day. This has been so hard. I appreciate how many people have reached out, but sometimes the endless questions aren’t helpful–they just add more anxiety.
March 20, 2020 @ 12:36 pm
Oh man, that’s a lot of things to be dealing with at once. I’m so sorry, Jamie. I’m glad you are able to postpone though! Sending so much love to you, your fiance, and his mom. Stay healthy and hold tight to each other!
March 20, 2020 @ 1:12 pm
While reading this with tears in my eyes, I literally thought out loud “is someone in my head writing my thoughts”? To an absolute T the exact feelings I am having. Nobody quite understands as we are dealing with something that no one has ever been through before. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this so badly. Although it doesn’t fix anything for our unknown postponement of our wedding from originally May 16, it helped to see I’m not crazy for feeling this way. Thank you!
March 20, 2020 @ 2:38 pm
Last week, we postponed our March 28th wedding. It’s hard to believe that we had to cancel two weeks out, and I have no idea how I’ll feel next Saturday. It was the right decision. The guilt you described was everything we’d been feeling for a month. It honestly just stopped being fun, and we realized this wasn’t how a wedding was supposed to feel. We’ve postponed for September because we also didn’t want to wait until 2021.
March 20, 2020 @ 10:18 pm
I also was planning to be married May 24! Everything you wrote is exactly how i’ve been feeling and what i’ve been going through. Thank you for sharing this and letting me know it’s okay to feel the way I do!
March 21, 2020 @ 6:33 am
Thank you for writing. I also planned to be married on May 24. My fiancé and I decided to make the call next week… we are torn between rescheduling for the fall or May of 2021. Your words were spot on and i appreciate reading your thoughts and feelings because it seems people around me just don’t get it. Thank you!
March 21, 2020 @ 12:30 pm
Definitely needed this! So thank you. Our original date was May 30th. Our story is quite similar to yours, we’ve already been engaged over 2 years and don’t want to wait until next year. We are now on for September 11th and praying for the best! Lots of love to all the brides going through it right now, we’re in this together! ❤️
March 22, 2020 @ 6:30 am
Thank you!!! This is everything I’ve been feeling. Our wedding is on April 4th and we’ve made the decision to get married anyway, in our backyard with just the two of us and hold the big wedding in August. One of the hardest decisions we’ve ever made cause we’ve been waiting for almost 18 months already!! We don’t want to wait any longer.
March 22, 2020 @ 10:19 am
Thank you so much for this! We postponed out May 2nd date to August 15th. As frustrating as it is, we planned long and hard for this and I want everyone to be there and to be healthy. This to shall pass, and the new date will be everything we dreamed of and better then the first. Best of luck to all you brides and we are in this together❤️
March 22, 2020 @ 7:57 pm
We had to postpone our April wedding for the end of August as well. I’m definitely feeling more optimistic about it then I was last week and all of my vendors are available which seems like it was meant to be. I have had a few skeptics say, “what happens if COVID-19 is still around in August” but at this moment not something I want to and can think about. We will just play it all by ear!!!
March 23, 2020 @ 9:29 pm
Thank you, Lauren, for this beautiful and heart-felt letter. My wedding is in early August and every day brings new waves of emotion with it. It’s hard to stay optimistic when the world seems to be telling you ‘no,’ but this virus too shall pass.
March 24, 2020 @ 7:40 am
Thank you so much for writing this, it made me have (another) little cry. Your words really help x
March 24, 2020 @ 1:56 pm
Thank you for writing this… it’s like you were in my head! It’s so helpful to know that we’re not alone. You hit every point right on the head, down to the feelings of guilt and shame for feeling upset over our weddings when the whole world is battling a pandemic.
We’ll get through it eventually and will have even more of a reason to celebrate. Stay strong, beautiful brides!
March 25, 2020 @ 12:38 am
Thank you for this. ❤️ My wedding is scheduled for May 24th as well. It was good to hear from someone who has made a decision. Our lives feel so up in the air right now. I feel like this decision and responsibility will ultimately fall on me. It’z hard to feel sad about my wedding instead of excited.
March 25, 2020 @ 2:26 pm
Thank you for writing this. It is 100% how I feel. I’m a June 20 bride with a destination wedding in Italy and each day it gets harder to stay hopeful that things will be okay by then. We started tentatively talking about a Plan B last night—pushing the wedding back a year so we can have the same date and legally getting married in a small ceremony with our families on our date this year. I didn’t want a 2021 wedding because I have a weird thing where I like even numbers so much more, but my desire to have a June wedding rather than settle for a random fall date is greater than my bizarre dislike of odd numbers. Considering calling it 20.06.20 Part II: The I Do Redo. Same date, one year later. It’s hard because we’ve been planning this beautiful wedding for 1.5 years, but I don’t want it to be where people are afraid to come and end up with only ~20 guests after putting so much work into everything. I feel like we’ll have a better shot at our key people coming if we have the big party next year, but still get legally married this year. The more I think about it, I can’t complain about getting to wear my dress and veil twice and basically being a bride two years in a row. It does feel very unfair to not be able to be excited right now, and I agree with the statement that we’ve seen so many weddings before ours go off perfectly fine so I go into a dark place of WHY ME. Glad to know I’m not alone in this feeling. I also agree that we should not be made to feel bad about our emotions just because of the current situation. It sucks and we’re allowed to grieve. I hope all goes well with your new date!
April 9, 2020 @ 6:42 pm
I’m the same way with the years!! We’re July 24. Praying it’s resolved by then.
March 25, 2020 @ 2:35 pm
Thank you for writing this. It is 100% how I feel. I’m a June 20 bride with a destination wedding in Italy and each day it gets harder to stay hopeful that things will be okay by then. We started tentatively talking about a Plan B last night—pushing the wedding back a year so we can have the same date and legally getting married in a small ceremony with our families on our date this year. I didn’t want a 2021 wedding because I have a weird thing where I like even numbers so much more, but my desire to have a June wedding rather than settle for a random fall or winter date is greater than my bizarre dislike of odd numbers. Considering calling it 20.06.20 Part II: The I Do Redo. Same date, one year later. It’s hard because we’ve been planning this beautiful wedding for 1.5 years, but I don’t want it to be where people are afraid to come and end up with only ~20 guests after putting so much work into everything. I feel like we’ll have a better shot at our key people coming if we have the big party next year, but still get legally married this year. The more I think about it, I can’t complain about getting to wear my dress and veil twice and basically being a bride two years in a row. It does feel very unfair to not be able to be excited right now, and I agree with the statement that we’ve seen so many weddings before ours go off perfectly fine so I go into a dark place of WHY ME. Glad to know I’m not alone in this feeling. I also agree that we should not be made to feel bad about our emotions just because of the current situation. It sucks and we’re allowed to grieve. I hope all goes well with your new date!
March 28, 2020 @ 10:48 am
Thank you so much for writing this. My fiancé and I were planning to get married In Chicago June 20th we’ve been engaged for over a year and a half and now all of this happening has left us with the same guilt you’ve experienced.
His bachelor trip was planned for March madness; cancelled
My bridal shower was April 4th; cancelled
My bachelorette was heading to Mexico April 30th; cancelled
We’ve sat here for 2 weeks in such disbelief and uncertainty and like most of the other women here we had to ask ourselves what the best option for us was and for our guests.
We have been holding on till the very last minute to try and make our wedding this year work. My fiancé and I have been together 7 years that’s right 7 YEARS and we both have put so much effort (like every other engaged couple) and waited so long for this and for everything we looked forward too right before. (And I too have a very weird thing with even number so I really enjoyed 06.20.20)
Unfortunately our venue doesn’t have anything available this year being in such high demand so we are looking at June of next year. After thinking long and hard about what we want as a couple we decided we can’t wait another year to legally be married.
We are planning get legally married on our day this year and to post pone our ceremony and reception till next year in June and still be able to have all the events we looked forward too that got cancelled due to this pandemic.
It’s not fair and I hurt for every engaged couple who has had to go through this. But remember this day is about the love you two share for each other and the beginning of your life together. You decide how you want your wedding to go and you will have the wedding of your dreams you may just have to be a little bit patient.
March 28, 2020 @ 12:15 pm
Lauren, reading this article meant so very much to me! Our wedding is planned for June 20th, and we have been struggling with the decision to cancel or postpone. I related to every point you made. I don’t want my guests getting sick because we chose to go ahead with the wedding, and I’m afraid we will have few attendees regardless due to the fears.
It feels like no one understands either. My girlfriends and my mom tell me it isn’t a big deal, and our love is what matters, not the ceremony. I know that’s true, and that they mean well… but they all got their dream weddings, on time, with all the joy that comes with the season. My bridal shower had already been canceled. They don’t know how difficult it is to plan and dream for so long, your entire life, and have your hopes crushed by a global pandemic. I keep saying, “why this year? Couldn’t it have been any other time? Does the universe not want me to get married? No one else had to deal with a pandemic ruining their wedding plans!” It feels so selfish to think this way, but your article really has made me feel better, and like I’m not alone in this! There are others out there who get it! You are absolutely right in saying that we need to be thankful for our fiancés and what we have, because we are truly lucky to have found love, but it’s also important to recognize that it’s okay to feel that this part of our lives is a little unfair, because, well, it is.
Thank you so much <3
March 29, 2020 @ 7:43 am
What a good read! We are also scheduled to get married May 24,2020 and have a back up date planned but our venue isn’t being very helpful. We wanted to postpone till next year because 95% of our guest are from out of town so traveling is a must and we don’t know how long this will last or the financial burden our guest are/will be in after this. Along with being a bride, I’m a nurse and a student so I asked them to please consider that and let us move our date a year back and they refused. This is such a stressful situation as the only dates we were offered were during the week.
March 30, 2020 @ 4:46 am
My heart does break for all the brides going through this. I am a bride that’s wedding was struck my tragedy, my wedding was on Oct 11 2019, however one week before Oct 4th my beautiful niece was in a horrible car accident. In just one week my bridal shower and bachelorette party was canceled as I could not go on. My heart hurt I couldn’t focus on my wedding all I could do was think about my niece and if she would wake up. We were unable to postpone the wedding because we didn’t have more time of work, all the travel, and so on. So my wedding day came and I made the decision to not replace my nieces part in the wedding, her mom (my sister/bridesmaid) did not come, my other sister (my nieces aunt) missed pictures, was there to stand by me, and then felt right after I Do’s to go back to the hospital. Because on my wedding day they tried to wake my niece up (she did not wake up that day, it was another week before she opened her eyes). I am not here to try to top what is going on with any bride, I am here to tell you my story and tell you that even with my world crashing down around me it was still the best night of my life, and in the end all that really mattered to me was that I got to marry my best friend!! I had so many people not there that were people I never thought I would get married without. My storm was unpredictable, it shattered me and brought me to my knees. But to all you brides right now in the middle of your storms. I can tell you this too shall pass, and no matter what you choose your day is going to be everything you want and more!! I know a date can be so special but I can promise you what ever date you get married will be your right date, and it will the best day of your life!!
From one bride that went through a storm. I stand by you all!! And I wish for healing for all!! Stay positive Brides you have the person of your dreams and nothing can change that or the love you have for each other ♥️!!
March 31, 2020 @ 8:01 pm
If someone would of told me I’ll be grieving my wedding day I would laugh. But, since all this has taken place I’ve been having some really tough day’s. I’ve tried to not burden my love ones because I know they not feeling my pain! My wedding day was April 11th. We’ve planned and legit went from getting all excited, nervous, anxious and more as the days were coming closer to now having to wait a year until our day. Everyone keep saying just elope and have everything later but even now eloping is difficult with everything closing and the whole stay in place orders! I’m devastated, angry, pissed, and all the above because I got my hopes up for our day to be let down! My venue didn’t have any more available dates for 2020 and that alone was heartbreaking! I’m tired of hearing, talking and dealing with this virus and sad that it took sooooo much from sooooo many people! So it’s good to know I’m not alone but breaks my heart to know I’m not alone in this bc there’s others who’s feeling like me! ?
April 3, 2020 @ 7:52 am
Can I just say how thankful I am to see all these fellow brides leaving comments. I appreciate this post more than you know. Thank you for saying the things I needed to hear, and understanding the feelings I have but have yet to let myself feel. Our wedding is July 3rd, and though it seems like a safe month for now, there is not way of knowing whats to come. I am sincerely thinking of you all, who have had to already make that difficult decision to postpone your wedding day. We WILL get through this, walking down an aisle after all of this is going to feel like so much more!
April 5, 2020 @ 9:04 am
I NEEDED THIS! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this letter. I hope it was as cathartic to write and it was to read. We postponed our April 17th to June 5th, as recommended by our planner. Now we are terrified we will need to postpone again. We recognize the importance of everyone’s safety, but your right…it’s so hard not to feel selfish and want the day we have saved and sacrificed for the past year and a half. Sending love to all of my fellow brides! Hoping our sacrifice will help save lives ?
April 7, 2020 @ 6:01 pm
We did justwhat you mentioned! We were May 4, and the travel restrictions had originally put us JUST out of the range of original social distancing guidelines. We decided to postpone, and I’m so glad we did. Now we are struggling to choose a new date later this year or same day but next year. It’s tough when we were so close!!!! But we are already civilly married, this was our church wedding. At least everything is already planned so we can just relax until it’s time. Good luck!!
April 9, 2020 @ 11:12 am
My wedding was May 23 and we just postponed as well. We’ve been engaged about 1.5 years and we have some big football people in our wedding party and as guests so our time window was already small! We are still going to legally get married on May 23 (bc everything we own says May 23 and we don’t want to wait) and have rescheduled our reception for mid July. If things aren’t better by then… then we’ll figure it out. Loved this post!!
April 11, 2020 @ 1:06 am
Thank you for putting everything that has been running through my head into words. I feel petty every time I think about my cancelled bridal shower and bachelorette weekend, but then I realize I am allowed to be petty sometimes. I totally understand the feeling of are weddings just not going to be for me? Am I going to hold this grudge against wedding scenes in movies forever? I’m supposed to get married on July 11th, and even though that’s not tomorrow or even next month, it still doesn’t feel far enough away from this craziness. My whole family is supposed to travel to be here, and I’ll be lucky if I have 5 family members show up now. I pray for all you ladies and we are allowed to grieve all our plans and dreams