Our 3rd Wedding Postponement
Hello friends! I know I’ve been alluding to wedding changes without actually saying anything, so thank you for your patience with me. As I’m sure you can imagine, wedding planning right now is not only emotional but also logistically overwhelming. I just really needed to get everything in order before opening myself up to comments and messages. But now that we have a clear plan, I’m ready to clue you in!
Sweatshirt (from last year) / Jeans (run big!)
Our 3rd Wedding Postponement + Venue Change
Our Wedding Backstory
In case you’re new, we were supposed to get married on May 24th, 2020. We put our invitations in the mail the week before the world shut down, and shortly after that realized our May wedding wasn’t going to be possible. You can actually read all of my thoughts from that time in this letter to brides affected by COVID-19 that I published on March 20th. Let’s just say this week last year was quite a doozy ?
We quickly postponed to August 2020 because we had no idea what to expect from this pandemic, but by the time we got to May, we knew that date was a pipe dream, too. So, we decided to push it to June 6, 2021 and hope for the best. I actually think that writing this post (along with the podcast I mention!) is what really helped me come to terms with all of that uncertainty. Because deep down, I never really let myself get excited about June either. By the fall, I even started to flat out say that I didn’t want to talk about it until February or March. That gut feeling just wouldn’t go away and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
One Last Postponement
By the time February rolled around, the indoor capacity limit in Illinois was 25, soon to be 50. Because invitations would need to be sent out soon for a June 6th wedding, we basically had two choices. Cut the list down to 50 or postpone again.
I know that there are a lot of people who would cut it down and be done with it. But we have a 240 person guest list. Of course we can cut it down a little bit, and some people will cut themselves due to COVID concerns… but all the way down to 50? That would be really difficult. I mean, we both come from big families. I literally have 18 first cousins on just one side of my family. Not to mention the fact that tons of our guests have already been vaccinated!
Ultimately, while there are still unknowns, we can SEE the light at the end of the tunnel. If we decide that this next date is our very last date no matter what (which we have!), does it really matter if we wait a few more months to make it officially official? We are already building a life together, we own a home together, we have a dog together. Right now, the longing for the validation of being Mr. and Mrs. just doesn’t outweigh the longing to celebrate with people we love.
Consider this…
Before you send me a DM about how you disagree with me, please consider this. If you are married, or even if you can just envision your future wedding day – imagine never getting that photo of you and your Grandma that you have framed in your house. Imagine not being able to invite your favorite Aunt or Uncle or cousin. Your bridal party – gone. I mean, really think about what it would feel like knowing that it’s probably not safe for your very best friends to leave their children and get on a plane in order to be there. These are the things we have had to consider. I know from the outside, it’s easy to judge. I’ve heard “The marriage is more important than the wedding” more times than I can count. And that is definitely true. But you know what’s also important to a marriage? Their support system!
Change of Venue
Unfortunately postponing meant that we needed to say goodbye to our city wedding. Even before I asked, I knew Cafe Brauer wouldn’t have any available dates for us this year – and to be honest, I think I’d still be nervous about an indoor wedding this summer and fall, too.
Luckily, my parents were very proactive and asked their country club in the suburbs if they had any available dates. Even though I have been trying to avoid getting married there for years (Ha!). Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful that they did and it will be absolutely beautiful! I have just never felt like a country club/”let’s take pictures of the golf course” type of bride. This made perfect sense to my whole family when we were originally planning the wedding, too. It just doesn’t feel like me. I am a city girl – and you KNOW I love this city.
But if there’s one thing this pandemic has taught us, it’s that you can’t always get what you want. And trust me, I felt like a spoiled brat feeling even remotely sad about a plan B that so many other couples would be over the moon for. But I’ve learned that you need to feel your feelings in order to let them go. So we both had a good cry, said goodbye to our big wedding weekend in the city that we envisioned and planned, and decided to sign on for this new plan.
The New Plan
The piece about this new plan that really got me on board: this version will be OUTDOORS! First of all, a tent wedding with string lights? THAT feels more like me! Second, the ability to be outdoors in the suburbs makes a large celebration SO much more realistic than at an indoor venue in the city. We no longer have to worry about air circulation or the ability to spread tables out because we’ll be outside! And third, waiting until the end of August gives everyone much more time to get vaccinated. YAY FOR VACCINES!
Our vendors have also made this really easy on us. Cafe Brauer was a dream and allowed us to cancel without any penalty. We are still figuring things out with our catering company since we can’t use them at the new venue, but I was able to secure the new date with our band, floral/decor, day-of planner, and videographer.
Unfortunately we had to cancel our photographer because she had another wedding that day, which I was really upset about since photos are so important to me. Luckily, I’ve been following Kerri Carlquist over the past year and I’ve really fallen in love with her infectious energy and candid photography style. Her ability to capture how people feel in the moment always draws me in, and I had a strong feeling that she would be able to help this new plan feel like us. I literally teared up on our introductory phone call because instead of feeling sad about nothing working out, she made me excited about our wedding for the first time in a year. It was a really nice feeling.
What’s Next
Luckily, the postponing logistics are pretty much behind us. But because we are changing venues, I am essentially going to be planning a new wedding. Our entire floral/decor contract? Doesn’t work anymore! Catering? Let’s start over! Invitations? Ummmm can we just go digital? ? In all seriousness, I am going to write a post all about how to announce/communicate your wedding postponement once I figure it out. I know I’m not the only one in this situation!
All in all, after a few good cries, we feel like this is the right plan for us. Of course we know that we could still run into road blocks, but we feel confident that we will be vaccinated and able to have an outdoor wedding with a large portion of our guest list at the end of August. And that’s good enough for us right now.
Fellow corona-brides, how are you feeling? What’s your plan right now? I’d love to hear!
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PS. You might also like my Letter to Brides Affected By COVID-19, Thoughts On Comparative Suffering, and How To Postpone Your Wedding.
March 12, 2021 @ 12:08 pm
Hi Lauren! I’ve been thinking of you. I know this wasn’t an easy decision to get to, but just wanted to let you know that what you’re doing sounds like the perfect choice for you and Adam. I’m so happy for you two and can’t wait to continue to follow you on this journey! Yay for vaccines is right! ❤️
March 12, 2021 @ 12:30 pm
From a fellow corona bride, it is so so hard to make the decision to postpone. But third times a charm ( we are on our 3rd date too) and it will be wonderful and safe and hopefully stress free, being out of limbo/ indecision is the best feeling . We were always going to have a smaller wedding but ended up going down even further from 60 to 45 and now about 30 guests total. And yasss the outdoor wedding makes a HUGE difference…. it’s what we are doing too! My now Husband and I got married (minimony) on August 29th last year (wedding on May 1st this year) so it’s a great date to tie the knot ??
March 12, 2021 @ 12:38 pm
From another Corona bride, I really appreciate you opening up about this. I’m sorry you can’t have your plan A wedding, but a tent with string lights sounds AMAZING! We kept our original date (10/16/20) and had a tiny mini ceremony with only our parents and pushed the reception to June 2021. We also pushed again to November 2021 and I also feel confident that we will all be vaccinated.
Congrats on a new plan and hopefully planning becomes fun again!
March 12, 2021 @ 12:57 pm
Thanks for letting us in–I’m sure this was difficult! I wonder if the catering company can help with rehearsal dinner/day-after brunch if you already have sunk some $$ in? Just a thought. Good luck to you!
March 12, 2021 @ 1:18 pm
I am not usually one to comment on others’ blog posts, but as a fellow Corona bride, I have been following your wedding journey and can relate in SO many ways. Our original wedding date was also May 24, 2020. We, also, postponed for the first time to August 2, 2020, only to postpone again to May 2, 2021. As we got closer, we didn’t have much choice but to either cut our guest list majorly or postpone…again. We chose the latter and postponed to our 4th date…August 29th, 2021. We are date twins 3 times over, I think! As emotional (and logistically nightmarish as it has all been), I am optimistic and hopeful that the 4th time will be the charm for BOTH of us :). Thanks for sharing your journey- you’re not alone!
March 12, 2021 @ 2:23 pm
Lauren you have done such an amazing job describing all of the complicated emotions that go along with this process! I am a fellow corona bride, but we did things differently than you two are. We kept our original date of 9/19/20 but cut down to about 30 people (from 300). Even though our wedding was a beautiful wonderful day, it was so difficult. There are friends and family members that never would’ve missed our wedding that had to watch it on youtube and that fact still breaks my heart. We are planning a reception in October to celebrate and I’m just starting to allow myself to get excited for that. The part you describe about not wanting to think about it and not allowing yourself to get excited is SO HARD. I hope you can start getting excited now because you deserve that!! Hoping and praying for the best day for you two <3
March 12, 2021 @ 3:20 pm
We are SO on the same track and of the same mindset about finding our way through this. I found you via your letter last spring which was the ONLY thing I came across with which I could identify. Our original date was 6 days after yours. We decided at the end of May to postpone our second date (which as in September). We decided in October to postpone that date until April, but didn’t announce the date beyond the wedding party. Our 4th date is the day before yours. And we are finally feeling a little excitement again. We’ve been able to keep most things the same, but obviously not everything. Communication with vendors has been key. Ignoring most “advice” has also. And now we have time for dance lessons – but only if I get on it soon…
I spent forever designing our wedding invitations and rsvp cards and getting them printed. There were lots of tears, but it felt worth it when they were so beautiful. Then I created a matching change-the-date postcard that we sent in April of last year… I have been trying to decide if I want to go through the agony of creating new invitations, and I’m leaning towards ordering something more like a save the date with a photo that I can also send electronically. It will be a chance to use our engagement photos for something other than getting comfortable with the photographer. Since you have to switch photographers, maybe you could do a practice/still engaged session with the new one and use those photos somehow. We took a cute, cheesy photo pointing at an address that was our original wedding date. If only we’d been able to foresee we could have done one for our new date.
It has meant a lot to me knowing you’re out there also prioritizing your support system and the vital role they will play in your wedding and your marriage. I know other options are right for other people, but for us a huge part of the wedding is the very presence of our loved ones. So even if we wanted to take the endless advice to “just get married now and have a party later,” it is important to us that those people be part of the getting married! Our wedding is smaller than yours (thank goodness his extended family isn’t large!), but we couldn’t cut it to 50 people without cutting lots of close family and friends who are dear enough to us that we’d rather wait than have our wedding be less because of their absence. We did briefly discuss having a progressive wedding – 3 separate weddings with approximately 50 guests each!
I still don’t have the sort of joyful anticipation I did early last year, but I’m grateful to again be able to kind of imagine getting married. Wishing you all the best and hoping you can enjoy the last few months of being engaged!
March 13, 2021 @ 11:22 am
I’m an older reader, not a Corona bride myself, but want to offer a note of support. I hope you don’t get messages questioning your logic. Life is hard now and whatever decisions people make are OK! Weddings are so important to families. It’s such a gift to your family to have the full wedding and allow everyone to gather. It may be the first time everyone will have a chance to see each other. It would have also been OK if you did any other alternative too. Congratulations!!
March 13, 2021 @ 11:29 am
YES to digital invites. Streamline things for yourself and your guests!!
March 13, 2021 @ 5:42 pm
Beautifully written Lauren! ? I teared up just thinking about all the stress you’ve had and your dream of a city wedding and all those plans being set aside. As you know this past year has been the worst for many other reasons beyond COVID. Your large extended family needs a reason to be happy and celebrate something big and joyous! What better way than celebrating love with family and friends? We support you, we adore you! Okay, Adam too. ? The Long and Winding Road…we know the way and we will be there. ❤️❤️
March 15, 2021 @ 8:43 am
Not a corona bride (I got married in 2017), but as someone who had the big wedding with 140 guests, 7 bridesmaids, 8 groomsmen, and got the 3 generation photo of my husband with his grandpa, father, brother, uncle, cousins, and cousins’ sons, your feelings about wanting all of those moments are totally valid! I’ve been following along for the last year, and while I can only imagine how stressful everything has been, I’m so excited that you’re getting to have your big day this summer! Thinking of you!
March 25, 2021 @ 11:44 am
I consider myself a half corona bride . OG date was 7/10/21 in Chicago (Hyatt regency). We moved it two months to 9/18/21. I fully am on board with city and don’t want suburbia (but yours will be beautiful!) I know some are rolling their eyes at extending it only two months but I also want to allow for extra time for vaccines and a game plan! Luckily our venue can hold 600 people (planning for 150) so we can still spread people out even if it is indoors. I’m still excited though! Do you have a plan for testing people beforehand? That’s what I’m struggling with.